Today is the first installment of the next Real (Experienced) Mom’s interview. I had to skip a few weeks, but now I am back on track for featuring a new Real (Experienced) Mom and her story each Thursday.
However, as I mentioned, today’s is the first installment of a few posts. I felt that Valerie had so much to share and a wealth of unique, meaningful ideas that, rather than run her entire interview in one post, I would break it up over a few days.
So, without further adieu, meet Valerie, an amazing Real (Experienced) Mom that I’d love to meet in real life one day:
Real (Experienced) Mom interview with Valerie,
Part 1
What are the approximate ages of your children now?
We have 5 boys (men) that range from 23 to 31. Two are married. We do not have grandchildren.
What are some of the qualities that you admire in your children?
It is interesting to evaluate the qualities I admire in them. When I tell people I have 5 boys, I also say that I now am a queen. Although they tease me without end, they all have their own way to show their love. They are kind, caring, helpful, funny and totally different from each other.
How much of their personality now was a part of them as children?
Their personalities and character were there as children, but I don’t think I realized all the aspects during their development and my maturity (or lack of it) as a mom. I think that their character developed in different ways because of their personalities. Compassion was easier to spot in one, patience in another. We also realized that character is built and takes time. It takes consistency in parenting and prayer.
Before your children were of traditional school age, were you a stay at home mom or were you employed outside the home? At the time, how did you feel about that decision? How do you feel about it now?
I had periods of time when I worked and when I was at home full time. I had a home based business until it took too much of my home time. I took a part time job that was different hours from my husband until we lost our connection and energy. I was at home full time for years and had three preschoolers and one in school. My youngest paid me the ultimate compliment when he said he was home schooled until kindergarten.
There were days when I longed to talked to anyone over 4 feet tall. I was glad to stay home and still am glad that I had the choice. With 5 kids and one income, we had to make choices, but we had to make choices anyway. My husband was in full-time Christian ministry and the income was neither bad or good. It was always tight, but we saw God supply all our needs. We never told the boys we couldn’t afford something, we said we needed to make choices: Want to have pizza out, need to give up something else. There are always choices. The emphasis was placed on choice, privilege and attitude.
Tell me about a difficult decision you remember making as a mom concerning one of your children. If you could do it over, would you make the same choice?
Our 5th boy came as a 10 year old cousin. My brother asked us to take him for the school year (his parents had divorced and when he was 5, his mom died). Within a few months of his arrival my brother committed suicide. We began the long drawn our court process and it seemed a little like family labor. It took a while to realize that we were a blended family. There was no divorce in our marriage yet we still had to share holidays and there were extra relatives that not all of us were related to. It gave perspective to other relationships we did not expect.
A tough decision we made was to still do for him some of what his dad had done or would have done. He had always gotten the full box set of baseball cards when they came out. We continued to do this for him, even though the other four just got a couple of packs. There were other things, but the biggest was when he graduated from high school. We knew his dad would have bought him a new car. So when graduation rolled around we took him down and let him pick out a new car, even though our oldest was away at college without a car. Did the other four resent it? Yes, to some extent. I do remember saying to one of them “What do you want, a box of baseball cards or your dad alive and here to raise you?” (Was that smart? Do they need therapy? Who knows?) That’s just how things happen some times. Love and God’s grace cover a lot of our parenting.
Would I do it the same again? I don’t know the answer to that. Parenting comes partly from our experience and partly from education. I used what I had and trusted God for the outcome. I do know that relationships mature and evolve with our children as well as others. Trust is built on history together.
Tell me about something you feel you did ‘right’ as a mom.
Finding something I did right as a parent is hard. It all kind of blurs, all those decisions. One thing that stands out is quite pivotal. As the boys were small and I was at home more than my husband, I seemed to be the justice and my husband was mercy. I would issue discipline and we would follow through. I would say to my husband “Back me up.” At the point of puberty, they needed a stronger male presence and I needed more respect. My husband came to me and said we needed to reverse roles. I wanted it, but it’s hard to give up. He said he couldn’t go in there with the “big guns” because I had already used up all the ammunition. That was the day I learned what submission felt like. Love and obedience for the higher call. He said “I am going in there and tell it like it is and you are going in and rub his back and give him ice cream.” “What? I want to ground him for a year and never let him see daylight!” And that’s the picture…I was justice. But God intervened that night and I became mercy. And I cried. And repented. And rejoiced. And rubbed his back and gave him ice cream. I slipped back and forth and eventually found it comfortable. Change is so uncomfortable. God does not call us to be comfortable. He calls us to obedience.
Wow! Wasn’t I right? What an amazing lady and an amazing family!
So now that I’ve got ya hooked, you’ll have to come back tomorrow to read more about Valerie and her Real (Experienced) Moms story. Hope to see ya then!
What are the approximate ages of your children now?
We have 5 boys (men) that range from 23 to 31. Two are married. We do not have grandchildren.
What are some of the qualities that you admire in your children?
It is interesting to evaluate the qualities I admire in them. When I tell people I have 5 boys, I also say that I now am a queen. Although they tease me without end, they all have their own way to show their love. They are kind, caring, helpful, funny and totally different from each other.
How much of their personality now was a part of them as children?
Their personalities and character were there as children, but I don’t think I realized all the aspects during their development and my maturity (or lack of it) as a mom. I think that their character developed in different ways because of their personalities. Compassion was easier to spot in one, patience in another. We also realized that character is built and takes time. It takes consistency in parenting and prayer.
Before your children were of traditional school age, were you a stay at home mom or were you employed outside the home? At the time, how did you feel about that decision? How do you feel about it now?
I had periods of time when I worked and when I was at home full time. I had a home based business until it took too much of my home time. I took a part time job that was different hours from my husband until we lost our connection and energy. I was at home full time for years and had three preschoolers and one in school. My youngest paid me the ultimate compliment when he said he was home schooled until kindergarten.
There were days when I longed to talked to anyone over 4 feet tall. I was glad to stay home and still am glad that I had the choice. With 5 kids and one income, we had to make choices, but we had to make choices anyway. My husband was in full-time Christian ministry and the income was neither bad or good. It was always tight, but we saw God supply all our needs. We never told the boys we couldn’t afford something, we said we needed to make choices: Want to have pizza out, need to give up something else. There are always choices. The emphasis was placed on choice, privilege and attitude.
Tell me about a difficult decision you remember making as a mom concerning one of your children. If you could do it over, would you make the same choice?
Our 5th boy came as a 10 year old cousin. My brother asked us to take him for the school year (his parents had divorced and when he was 5, his mom died). Within a few months of his arrival my brother committed suicide. We began the long drawn our court process and it seemed a little like family labor. It took a while to realize that we were a blended family. There was no divorce in our marriage yet we still had to share holidays and there were extra relatives that not all of us were related to. It gave perspective to other relationships we did not expect.
A tough decision we made was to still do for him some of what his dad had done or would have done. He had always gotten the full box set of baseball cards when they came out. We continued to do this for him, even though the other four just got a couple of packs. There were other things, but the biggest was when he graduated from high school. We knew his dad would have bought him a new car. So when graduation rolled around we took him down and let him pick out a new car, even though our oldest was away at college without a car. Did the other four resent it? Yes, to some extent. I do remember saying to one of them “What do you want, a box of baseball cards or your dad alive and here to raise you?” (Was that smart? Do they need therapy? Who knows?) That’s just how things happen some times. Love and God’s grace cover a lot of our parenting.
Would I do it the same again? I don’t know the answer to that. Parenting comes partly from our experience and partly from education. I used what I had and trusted God for the outcome. I do know that relationships mature and evolve with our children as well as others. Trust is built on history together.
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