Yep, that’s me. And I admit just posting that photo here puts a little fear in my heart.
But I’ve got to push past it and let you know a bit more about me.
Wanna know what all too often keeps me from doing me best? It’s fear.
And these are my two biggies:
- Fear of failure (What happens if I give it my all and no one likes it??)
- Fear of people not liking me (Oh my goodness how those mean comments and emails eat at me.)
At Blissdom last Saturday, Jeff Goins challenged us to write about those fears that hold us back. He instructed us to just write with abandon and then, if we were feeling brave, to post what we wrote. He dangled the promise of a link up on his blog to those who were willing to share.
So, my MomsToolbox friends, I’ve got some truth for ya.
Here’s my big fear as it relates to you:
Last summer I launched a new blog, VineSleuth Uncorked, a wine blog for casual wine drinkers. I launched the site after talking with my husband after a trip to Napa where we tasted so many different wines and yet, at the end of the trip, we still felt just as lost about wine as we did before we took the trip.
We decided we couldn’t be alone. And, so, after some more discussion on the matter, I launched VineSleuth Uncorked so I could learn more about wine, chronicle my discoveries and share as I learn, inviting others to learn right alongside me.
The decision to launch that site was not made lightly. I prayed about it and was amazed at each indication on confirmation I received.
I shared this with my dear readers on MomsToolbox last summer and, as I boarded a plane to fly to the Wine Bloggers Conference a few weeks later, ready to learn and explore and discover, I read an email from a MomsToolbox reader expressing her strong disapproval of my decision to launch VineSleuth Uncorked. Her email crushed me. Our emails beyond that crushed me further. And I am tired of feeling crushed.
I want to write about wine. I want to learn more about wine and I don’t want to live in fear of what you, my dear readers, think of that. My husband is in support of my decision to launch VineSleuth Uncorked. My pastor has been supportive. I have felt so much confirmation that it is the right thing to do, and yet, I still cower in fear.
That one reader’s response last summer tainted the entire Summer/Fall session of Bible in 90 Days. I pulled back and was unable to encourage those attempting to read the Bible in 90 Days as well as I had encouraged so many in previous sessions because I was worried about being judged.
I warned Cheryl, the organizer of the 2:1 Conference who had invited me speak at the conference on how I used my tiny blog to encourage thousands to read the entire Bible, that I was going to keep my involvement quiet for a bit so as not to taint the convention. I didn’t want her to get disapproval because of me.
That one person’s disapproval, and my fear of so many others, kept me from being me. And it kept me from encouraging others. And that was wrong. And it needs to stop.
When I first launched MomsToolbox, I was scared to be honest in sharing my SOAP devotions, but I did it anyway. And, in the process, I encouraged women who had never opened a Bible to read with me. And women who had read it for many, many years, to delve in and read the whole thing… in 90 days. And those are good things! Good things are happening here, good things that are coming out of raw honesty.
You know what?
I’m sick of that fear. I’m tired of hiding. I want that openness back.
This is me, y’all. I am Amy Gross and I love the Lord, my husband and children and I am going to continue writing about the Bible, my discoveries as a mom, my travel adventures and, yes, my journey to learn more about wine.
If you are willing to be supportive, I sure hope you’ll join me. If you aren’t willing to be supportive, or at least accept my decisions for me, I don’t want to hear about it. Yes, I’ll accept a (that is ‘a’ as in ‘one’) loving email if you think I’ve crossed a line. But then I reserve the right to pray about it and delete it, and be done with it, if that’s how I feel led.
I don’t want those voices hanging out in my head any longer. There are plenty of other amazing blogs out there. If this one isn’t for you, please find one that does minister to you, if blogs are your thing.
I want to listen to God, to my husband, to my children and to the Holy Spirit’s leading. I don’t want to live in fear of judgment any longer.
And so, my friends, I’m going to try super duper hard not to live that way anymore.
I love you so much, I really do. And I hope you’ll decide to stick around. And I hope we’ll delve into some great discoveries and grow together.
You’ll see the same me, just not the me paralyzed by fear anymore. I’ll write about the same stuff I have been writing about over here, and wine over there, and I’ll pray about every post and every comment I receive.
I hope you’ll stick around and we’ll continue growing together.
I have a feeling God’s got some more good stuff in store for us over here.
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