And she and her husband are a Bible in 90 Days graduates, too!
I am thrilled to share Cindy’s story with you. Not only is it amazing and filled with wisdom on its own, but I told Cindy I wouldn’t post it until she finished reading the entire Bible. This post is a celebration of her victory alongside her husband… both as partners in parenting and partners in Bible-reading.
Read on and prepare to be blessed by the stories she shares…
What are the approximate ages of your children now?
My son, Andrew, is 29. My daughter, Heather, is 27. And my youngest daughter, Sonja, is 24.
Do you have grandchildren?
Yes, three wonderful grandchildren.
What are some of the qualities that you admire in your children?
Some of the qualities that I admire in Andrew are a strong work ethic, honesty, sensitivity, and the desire to do what God wants him to do. The qualities that I admire in Heather are loyalty, honesty, attentiveness to details, following God’s leadership, and steadfastness. Sonja is my special needs daughter and she has several qualities that I admire. Some of them are gentleness, compassion, and her sense of humor.
Before your children were of traditional school age, were you a stay at home mom or were you employed outside the home? At the time, how did you feel about that decision? How do you feel about it now?
I have always been a stay at home mom. Andrew was born 9 ½ months into our marriage. And I had a strong desire to stay home with him. Rollin and I looked at our options and realized that it would be best for me to stay home. At the time we made that decision, we did not realize how important it would be. God knew that we would have a special needs child and that it would be necessary for me to be at home. Sonja would need evaluations, speech therapy, driven to school several miles from home, taken to doctor appointments, and many other responsibilities that would have made employment very difficult.
Even though I was not employed full time, God did give me opportunities to earn some income to help our budget. I have provided child care in my home, taught a two day a week preschool at my church for almost 20 years, and sewed items to be sold.
Now that my children are grown, I know we made the right decision for our family. I could not have handled the stress of working full-time, meeting Sonja’s needs and the needs of my other children.
Tell me about a difficult decision you remember making as a mom concerning one of your children. If you could do it over, would you make the same choice?
This answer isn’t about making a difficult decision but about coming to understand that I had a special needs child. The dreams that I had for her when I first held her as a baby were not going to happen. I had to learn to grieve the old dreams and let new dreams take their place. Sonja’s difficulties were not evident until she was about 11 to 12 months old. Then we had to go through evaluations to determine her issues. Sonja has learning disabilities, speech and language problems, anxiety issues, scoliosis, and is mildly retarded. Because Sonja will probably never marry and have children, I have had to realize that I will never have an empty nest. I will always have a “child “at home because mentally she is an 8 or 9 year old.
And believe me when I say, I would do it all again. She has taught me so much about God and his love. She has a sweet innocence about her that is precious. After we named her, we learned that Sonja means wisdom and Renee means reborn. And God has used Sonja to give us His wisdom reborn. She has been known at church as the Minister of Hugs. I am thankful, most of the time, to be the mother of Sonja. The road that we have traveled with Sonja as a family has not been easy. Andrew and Heather were not able to do some activities because of the demands Sonja had that needed to be met. But the thing that I am thankful for is that we worked together as a family to do the best we could in a difficult situation. And all five of us are better for it.
Tell me about something you feel you did ‘right’ as a mom.
I taught my children about God and his love for them. I remember Sonja wanting to learn to read so she could read her Bible. She is not able to read every word of the Bible, but she will read her Bible. When she goes with me to a Bible study class, she is always willing to look up scripture and attempt to read the requested verse. Also, the older children participated in a program called Bible Drill which gave them skills to memorize scripture, support their beliefs with scriptures and be able to find a needed verse. When Andrew went to college as a music business major, he was able to locate Bible verses faster than the religion majors.
Also, the kids were able to take mission trips to share their faith, even Sonja participated in mission trips. When Sonja and I participated in a mission trip to New Orleans in 2007, the youth choir presented a musical to homeless people at a shelter. When Sonja did her part of the program, God used her with her limited abilities to minister to all who were in the room. That is something that I will never forget. Andrew, Heather and I participated in a mission trip to Indiana in 1992 with several people from our church. It was good for my school age children to see how God could use all of us to minister to others who needed help and create wonderful memories with believers at the same time.
And now my children are taking their children to church. And I have the privilege to help teach my grandchildren the importance of God and his love for them.
Are there any particular foods that your grown children now ask for at family gatherings? Would you mind sharing those recipes and any story behind the dish?
Homemade waffles. And there is a story to that.
One year my father asked me what I wanted for Christmas. My husband immediately told him that I wanted a waffle iron, not asking me if that was something I really wanted. For Christmas I received a small waffle iron. Soon after, I made homemade waffles for the five of us. Rollin and the kids devoured them quickly. I could not make them fast enough. Everyone loved waffles, but with the small waffle iron, it was like a feeding frenzy. All of them would fight over the waffle as soon as it finished cooking. Since feeding my family waffles with a small waffle iron, my loving husband gave me a larger one for our tenth wedding anniversary. How romantic!?!
From the time I received the second waffle iron, I have used both to cook waffles to feed my hungry brood. As the children grew older, I would have to triple my recipe to have enough waffles. Friends of the kids would invite themselves over to spend the night just to eat homemade waffles. Now when Andrew and Heather find out that I am making waffles, they will make an effort to be here to eat them.
Did you establish or follow any family traditions with your children that you especially cherished… then or now? Tell me about a few of your favorites.
When my children were young, I started to fix a special Christmas breakfast. We planned the meal together, and of course there were homemade waffles. We would try to invite someone who would be lonely for Christmas to join us. As the children got older and into college, they would sometimes bring home someone to share the meal.
A birthday cake for Jesus is another one of our Christmas traditions. When the kids were young, they would help me decorate a cake for Jesus’ birthday. By doing that, we were able to teach them the importance of God’s gift of love and salvation. During the Christmas season, we would emphasize the birth of Jesus. There would be a least one nativity that the kids could play with. And we would read the Christmas story from the Bible each Christmas Eve. We never had Santa bring the kids their presents. Our Christmas mornings were full of much excitement with our surprises for the kids, and the kid’s surprises for us. Today, Heather and her husband are doing the same thing with their sons. Just last week, Gavin, my grandson, asked me to get “Baby Jesus” (the Nativity) down from my closet because he wanted to play with Jesus.
In the mid 1990’s, my husband’s family started coming to my house for Thanksgiving dinner. And it was special to incorporate some of my favorite recipes from my childhood along with using favorite dishes of the Grossholz family. Again, we would try to find someone who needed a “family” to share Thanksgiving. Also, as the children became older they would bring friend to Thanksgiving dinner.
How did you celebrate birthdays with your children?
Birthdays were kept simple, mainly because our children’s birthdays fall in the span of 32 days. We would take them to their favorite restaurant and would have cake and ice cream at home. Now, we try to get together and share a family meal, but that can be challenging with all three birthdays so close together and each family, ours, Andrew’s and Heather’s, busy schedules.
What were some of your family’s favorite things to do together when you had preschoolers? Elementary-school age children? High schoolers? Now?
As preschoolers, I remember catching lightning bugs. All three of them had so much fun doing that. There were times we would bring the jar of lightning bugs into the house, turn off all the lights and be amazed that a small bug could produce so much light. We would always release the bugs before bedtime so that the kids would go the sleep. It was always amazing to rediscover the wonders of God’s creation through their eyes.
As the children grew, we would go and have picnics at Fall Creek Falls State Park and hike the trails. The kids always looked forward to hiking to the bottom of the falls. The trip back to the car would sometimes prove challenging because of weary children not wanting to climb back to the top. However, we all have fond memories of Fall Creek Falls and our trips there. Also, taking family vacations, going to amusement parks and other family outings were enjoyed by all and have created memories we all enjoy to this day.
As the children grew older and their musical talent increased, participating in the high school band became a family lifestyle so to speak. Our family participated in our local school’s high school band program for seven years. There were band camps to attend, numerous practices, football games in all kinds of weather, fall marching band competitions on several Saturdays, concert band practices starting in late fall through spring, winter drum line practices and competitions and money to be raised to support all of the band events that each one participated in. All three children participated in the high school band program. You may be wondering how Sonja could participate but she did. Sonja had taken piano lessons for several years. Since piano is a percussion instrument, Sonja was able to play some of the instruments in the pit, the members of the marching band that stand at the sideline playing, while the wind instruments, drums, and color guard perform on the field. Both Andrew and Heather encouraged Sonja to participate in the band her freshman year of high school. God provided for Sonja by allowing her brother, Andrew, to be hired as one of the part-time percussion instructors for the band. Andrew knew her abilities, strengths and weaknesses. As a family we were amazed at Sonja’s growth during that particular time. During the seven years the kids were in the band, we grew together as a family because we participated as a family. Those years were busy years for us, however we have memories and friendships we cherished.
Is there anything about your parenting that you are especially proud of? What is it?
That I have done the best I could given our circumstances. The challenges of raising children can be a demanding task. I am amazed how God was able to take my sometimes poor parenting skills and bless me with three wonderful adult children. And I am proud of the fact that my marriage stayed intact even with the demands of a special needs child. Most of the parents of Sonja’s peers were divorced. The fact that my marriage is still thriving even through some very difficult trials is a blessing from God. My marriage is facing some challenges even today. Because of the economy, Rollin is working in another city three hours away. However, I know we will pass through this time of difficulty because of what God has done in the past and will do for our future.
Is there anything about your parenting that you now regret? Do you mind sharing that with us?
One thing that I now regret about my parenting is I felt I had to be perfect as a wife, mother, and homemaker. I felt a lot of pressure from outside influences that all had to be perfect. But God did not call me to be perfect, He called me to do the best I could with His help. That has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I still struggle with that to this day. It is my prayer that if you are reading this that you will let go of perfection of this world and enjoy the grace of God.
When your children were very young, did you have any hobbies you enjoyed just for yourself? If so, what were they?
I have always enjoyed sewing. In fact when the kids were young, I made some of their clothes. I also found time to knit or crochet. Another hobby I enjoyed was counted cross stitch. I would do counted cross stitch projects as I waited at doctor’s appointments, speech therapy sessions, to pick up kids from school, or any other time where I had a few minutes. I have given many cross stitch projects as gifts through the years. Now, sewing is my main hobby.
If you could give newer moms three pieces of advice, what would they be?
Pray. Pray. Pray. Of course I prayed when my children were young. However, it was during their teen years I realized the importance of prayer for my children. The book by Stormie Omartian, The Power of a Praying Parent is an excellent resource to learn how to pray for your children in a proactive way. The book taught me a lot about prayer for my children. I truly believe that we would not have had some our teen issues with our strong-willed child if I had been a proactive praying parent sooner instead of a reactive praying parent.
When we would have challenges with disobedience with a child, I would try to pray with that child about the action of disobedience giving them the chance to pray first. Then I would pray for the child and then ask God to help me be the mother He was calling me to be for that particular child. It was important to me for them to know that they realized all of us needed prayer. And sometimes, we as parents make mistakes and our children need to know that we are accountable to God for our mistakes as well.
Most of the time Andrew and I were able to pray together about many things. However, Heather was a different story. Most of the time, Heather would not pray with me as a teen. She would say, “When you pray Mom, you win.” When Heather became a college student, I was invited to join a group of praying parents. Together each week we would pray for our kids, the university, the professors and any other needs. By participating in the prayer group, I learned so much about prayer. It was amazing to see God at work because of prayer. Heather started to call me with a few prayer requests. At times she would call and ask us to pray her through some difficult situations during her college years. Today, both Andrew and Heather still call me with prayer requests.
Today, I am a member of a prayer group of four people. We attend the same church where we gather to pray weekly for our needs. I have seen God at work through some difficult circumstances as we have prayed as a group. I challenge you to find a group of friends that are willing to gather and pray on a weekly basis. I am often amazed how the other women in my group are able to voice prayers that bring me such comfort and strength. Often they will be in prayer for a situation and will pray about the challenge from a different perspective that I have not thought about. So I encourage all who read this to find someone to pray with and lift your children to the LORD.
Is there a question I haven’t asked that you would like to answer?
I do not think so. I feel like I have just written a book. Amy, I would like to thank you for asking me to participate with Real (Experienced) Moms. By answering your questions, God has reminded me how He has been at work through my journey as a wife and mother. It is my prayer that God will be glorified as your readers read my answers. I could not have been a wife of 30 years (Oct. 25th is our anniversary) and a mother for 29 years without His grace, mercy, guidance, love and most of all His forgiveness.
Thank you for sharing with us, Cindy!
If you, or a mom you know, has at least one child 20 years or older and out of the house and would like to share your stories, please drop me a note and let me know. I’m always looking for new Real (Experienced) Moms to feature.
Click to be inspired and blessed by more Real (Experienced) Moms…
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