Our family is growing again. Internationally. And I could use your teen advice!

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by

Amy
in ,

The last time I used a headline like that (leaving out the international part) I heard there were a lot of whispers and confusion. So let’s just get this right out there: No, I am not pregnant. And no, we are not adopting. Well not exactly…

Our family is preparing to welcome a German teenager into our home for the coming school year and we are all looking forward to the adventure.

Last school year we hosted a Danish daughter whose dad had been friends with my husband since high school.

As Emma was preparing to end her American year, a friend of ours asked if we would consider hosting her niece who lives in Germany. So, here we go again!

Our oldest child is about to be nine and attends a fairly small private school affiliated with a church. Our new daughter (like Emma was) is a teenager who will attend a high school that hosts about 4,000 students… this is a big jump for her from her home in Germany and for us from younger kids to big kid and tiny school to massive one!

The last time I think I did an okay job as a mom of a teen.

This time I’d like to do better. And so I’m seeking your advice in a series of posts.

I’m about to write a letter to our new daughter, introducing our family and sharing what life is like in our family.

And so I am procrastinating a bit.

And so today I am seeking input from moms of teens, moms of grown children who once were teens, and other foreign exchange student moms:

If you could write a letter of introduction to your teen, what would you be sure to cover?

And what else do you think I might need to know to help make her transition better and my transition in to the teen years the best it can be?

Please do share… and share this post with your friends who might be able to share. There is no such thing as too much good advice! And I am ready for as much as you are willing to give!

Comments

8 responses to “Our family is growing again. Internationally. And I could use your teen advice!”

  1. Tiarastantrums Avatar
    Tiarastantrums

    I think having an opportunity to know the families first may make the situation better? We hosted a girl from Germany and it literally was not a good experience AT ALL. She refused tos peak to any of us, it was the most uncomfortable 5 months of our lives. We kept asking her is she was sad, depressed, didn’t like us, ANYTHING – we got nothing. We had her rep involved – nothing worked. She would sit with her nose in her phone texting her fellow German exchange students – made no effort to make friends here in the USA. Didn’t engage with our family – the worst. I am so sad for our children then most b/c she just ignored them. I don’t think I could ever get my husband to agree to another one ever again, So sad. BUT – so happy your experiences were wonderful!

    Reply
  2. Amy Avatar
    Amy

    Sorry that I’m only getting to this now. I would outline very clearly any rules for the house you have. Thinking about them might be hard if you only have little kid rules. Think back to when you were a teenager and the rules you had. For instance, curfew, household chores, eating rules (will she eat with you all meals, what if she doesn’t like what’s served–can she make her own stuff) etc.
    Outlining clearly what is expected and what your standards are will help to avoid conflict in the future. You can then impassively just point to the rule chart rather than making it personal.

    Understanding too, that teenagers have a very different sense of what is good as far as music, movies and entertainment goes. Letting them explore their interests (as long as it is not affecting your family–such as profane music played out loud) then they will feel much more comfortable to talk with you about things and learn. All of us have to be different from our parents’ generation to keep the ‘evolution’ going.

    Hope some of this has been helpful.

    Reply
  3. katia Avatar
    katia

    Hi Amy,

    I wasn’t able to answer you earlier, hope my answer will help some.
    Very nice of you to really want to make your future teen at home. Wonderful!

    I was thinking of the emotions that crossed my mind as a new bride of 20 years of age, who barely understood and spoke any English.
    You might consider praying like crazy for her adjustment, no matter what culture, IT”s EXTREMELY DIFFICULT to adjust at first.

    You might want to be very open in your letter about your family, what you like to do as a family, tell her about your own DD….tell her about your church, your pastor. About the other student you had last year. Your dreams in life…..you will be surprised as you open up how much more she will be able to relate.

    I know you didn’t’ specifically ask the following but I thought it might give you some food for thought.

    I have met two exchange student, one from Romania and the other from Brazil, both of them had almost exactly the same feelings I had. The following are things that the the 3 of us shared and had in common when we first came to the US.

    ~ Youth and church – basically very cold and spoiled. Not much desire for God. This truly hit to me like a huge wave out of no where from the ocean. I was accustomed to lively, full of joy teen groups full of faith in God.

    ~ How most Americans including most church folks, are very reserved and come across as very cold people. (not saying this to offend, but most foreigners think this way) How independent everyone is from each other.
    Church was a huge taste to my own faith – I was a accustomed to a very lively, loving church. I attended not by choice at first a very reserved old fashioned church. Honestly, some days all I did was cry missing my church home. The other two girls- one was catholic and the other was Muslim. Both stayed with evangelical families. Both chose not to attend church with them.

    Family was everything to each one of us. All three of us said how independent families are from each other here in the US.

    Blessings to you and your family as you embark on this new adventure.
    Katia

    Reply
  4. Dawn Avatar
    Dawn

    I don’t know about including it in the letter, but you might want to consider checking out the youth group at your church, and then plan to be at least a little involved there, should you plan on having her go to it. I can’t stress that enough, for ALL parents of teens. Get involved. I have run a cafe in our youth group for the past 6 years, and I have probably TEN to go (my youngest is 8). Being there shows that it’s important, and also will give you some insights for conversation during the week. :)

    Reply
  5. Samantha Avatar
    Samantha

    I have no advice (sorry our oldest won’t be a teen until next month), but I wanted to say HOW EXCITING!! Good luck!

    Reply
  6. Tammy Avatar
    Tammy

    The first thing she needs is to be a part of the family identity. For first few weeks plan bonding activities….game nights, movies, outings with just “us”. Then widen her circle to include a group of kids. Invite them over, get to know them. Don’t let the friendships take over.

    Hth

    Tammy

    Reply
  7. Missie Avatar
    Missie

    How fun! I am excited to hear how she likes school in the US!

    Reply
  8. kari Avatar
    kari

    I’ve got a 13 yo boy, but my one worded answer will be the same.

    LISTEN.

    Before speaking, jumping to conclusions, judging, offering MY opinion and MY thoughts, I am learning to just listen. Not perfectly, but I’m tryin’.

    Good for you! Best of luck!

    kari

    Reply

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